When God Says "Wait."

When I look at this picture of my daughter and I, I cry almost everytime. It reminds me that my sorrows have turned to dancing. My mourning has turned to joy. God has given me Mercy, and He makes no mistakes!

My husband and I were matched with a Birthmother in September, 2010, after many, many months of waiting, and believing God to bring us the child He had purposed for us through adoption. Our baby was to be due in January! To say God stretched us during that waiting time is a huge understatement! God ALWAYS makes us wait for a purpose and I believe its to draw us closer to Him. Through my husband's leading, we began seeking hard after the Lord and asking Him to refine us! Refining is not fun, nor easy! There were many circumstances in this adoption that allowed for God to indeed refine. We had to be on our knees daily begging for the Lord to sustain us and carry us through! HE IS SO FAITHFUL, and He did not abandon us! He was true to His Word as it says in Jeremiah 29:12-13a "In those days when you pray, I will listen. If you look for Me wholeheartedly, you will find Me. I will be found by you," says the Lord.

January came! Our Birthmother went into labor and we prepared to go and get the baby we had so long waited for. But, God was not done refining! Because of some choices our Birthmother had made regarding this adoption, we sought the Lord, and instead of going to get our Baby, God said, "Wait." Within moments we went from joy to despair! My heart ached to hold that Baby and tell him how much he was loved and cherished! But even more than that, my husband and I desired to obey God, and so we waited. Because He is always faithful, He once again revived us through His Word. Psalm 62:5 says, "Let all that I am wait quietly before God, for my hope is in Him!" We wanted so desperately to fight to have that Baby in our arms, by the Lord told us to be still, wait, and rest in His plan! By the way, that is NOT easy, but the Lord gives rest when we choose to walk in HIS ways!

On February 6th, almost a week to the day that we got the call about our Birthmother being in labor, we received another call. Our agency called to say they had a beautiful baby girl who was born and her Mother and Father could not keep her. The agency had presented our profile and the Birthparents had chosen us for their daughter! If we wanted this little baby, she was ours!!!! Once again, we went before the Lord, begging Him for wisdom. You see, we felt like if we said "Yes" to this little girl, we were abandoning the first baby. Once again, God proved Himself faithful and revealed to us that this little Girl was to be ours, the one He had purposed for us since before the foundations of the earth!

A verse God gave us at the beginning of our adoption is Psalm 28:6 "Praise be to the Lord, for He has heard my cry for mercy." The Lord heard our cry for a child, and He answered. This little girl we named Mercy, which means an act of divine favor or compassion! She is God's Mercy to us, sent from His arms to ours. God makes NO mistakes! Our daughter, Mercy Annalyn, is the baby God has always purposed for us! He allowed for us to pray for and love another little baby for the time He ordained and then, He gave us Mercy according to his plan!

This is my first Mother's Day and my heart is feeling so many things. I am overjoyed because of what God has done, but I pray I will never forget from where I came! I pray I will never forget year, after year, sitting in church on Mother's Day Sunday weeping tears of despair. I will never forget God's arms wrapped tightly around me, whispering, "For I know the plans I have for you! They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope!" If you are reading this and you've suffered a failed adoption, my heart aches for you, but I want you to know that God holds every tear you've cried in His bottle! His plans, though sometimes hard, are far better than our own! I also believe that we wait so that the blessing will be that much greater! That is SO true in our lives with the blessing God gave us in Mercy! She is far greater than we ever could have imagined, and I believe its because we waited, believing God to bring us His very best in His very perfect timing! So, Mother's-to-be, know that today your Abba is holding you and preparing for you far better than you can imagine! Keep waiting with great expectation of what He will do!

Psalm 40:1-3 "I waited patiently for the Lord to help me, and He turned to me and heard my cry! He lifted me out of the pit of despair, out of the mud and the mire! He set my feet on solid ground and steadied me as I walked along! He has given me a new song to sing, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see what HE has done and be amazed. They will put their trust in the Lord!"

Fill to the Full!

"Now to HIM who is able to do exceedingly, abundantly, above and beyond all we can think or imagine..."

A couple of weeks ago we applied for a matching grant called the Hand in Hand grant. This grant allows people to give for our adoption and have their givings be matched dollar for dollar up to $5,000! That means if we raise $5,000 we will receive $10,000for our adoption!!!!!! WE WERE APPROVED!!!!!!! As with every step in this adoption journey, we recognize God is doing what He says He does in the verse above! We have always known that God will be the One to provide for this adoption because He wants to receive all the glory! And, this grant is just another way He is receiving glory and doing the impossible! Already, we have received $1,050 for a total of $2,100!!! That is God doing the impossible!

We need $3,950 more! Seems impossible, right?! BUT OUR BIBLE SAYS "And my God will liberally supply (fill to the full) your every need according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus." I love that...FILL TO THE FULL!!!! If you would like to help us "fill to the full" our adoption fund, please see the address below to send donations. The same way God is writing His story through our adoption journey, we recognize He is showing His love to us through many of you who have given for our child! We are amazed, and humbled, and we say "Thank you!"

Please send all tax-deductable donations to:

Hand in Hand Christian Adoption, Inc.
Chad and Misty Snyder
18524 Juniper Street
Gardner, KS 66030-9147

All donations MUST be received before October 22nd. Please make checks out to Hand in Hand Christian Adoption, Inc. Only put our names on the envelope, NOT the check! THANK YOU!!!!!!

Hand in Hand's Info:
phone: 913-248-5015
e-mail: handinhandadopt@gmail.com
website: www.handinhandadopt.org.

A Broken Hallelujah.

The title of this entry is "A Broken Hallelujah" because my heart is truly broken, but I want to praise my Jesus with every broken piece of me! Monday of this week we got a call about a baby needing a forever home. I was sure this was our baby, but we prayed for peace and for God to give us a definite answer. We wanted to KNOW, without a doubt, that this was the one He was preparing for us. Tuesday, we got another call. This is not our baby. God, in His faithfulness, answered. Oh, but the pain! Through our journey to adopt, my eyes have been opened to the journey Christ took to adopt us. This is His love story to us! One day, this pain will be worth it! With each rejection and "no" I am reminded of the rejection Christ took on the cross. All because He knew it was worth it! He was despised and rejected because He thought we were worthy to be called sons and daughters, heirs of His love! He was bruised and broken for us, His adopted children. My dear child, wherever you are, I am bruised and broken in waiting for you! My heart is aching and only God is holding it together, but someday I will hold you in my arms and feel your heart next to mine and see why Jesus thought it was worth it! This journey seems never-ending, but my hope is in the Jesus who adopted me! It's the love of my Abba, my Daddy, that keeps me going and lets me know its worth it! As I, the adopted daughter of the King, wait for you, my adopted child, I will praise the One who is the Author of adoption!

"You received God's Spirit when He adopted you as His own children. Now we call Him, "Abba, Father." For His Spirit joins with our spirit to affirm that we are God's children. And since we are His children, we are His heirs. In fact, together with Christ, we are heirs of God's glory. But if we are to share in His glory, we must also share in his suffering."

Chad and I found out a few days ago that we will not be adopting the baby boy we mentioned in our previous post. Although we are heartbroken, we know it is part of God's perfect plan!!! God is working in us in the midst of this storm! Please read on...

My friend, Lori, sent me a link on facebook to a woman's story of infertility & adoption. I was so moved by her story not because the Lord finally blessed her & her husband with a child, but of what happened while she was in the midst of the storm of a miscarriage. She was so hurt & so depressed and while she was going through that pain, she pictured the cross of Jesus and He asked her, "If the cross was all I ever did for you, isn't that enough?" That hit me like a ton of bricks, because in truth, it hasn't been enough for me. In shame I admit that! I want HIM to be enough for me! I've been waiting for Him to give us a child because I feel we deserve it because of all we've been through, but He went through the CROSS for me!!!!! I don't deserve anything except eternal separation from Him, and yet, in His love, He saved me!!!! The last two days have been two of the hardest in our lives, oh, but JOY has come this morning and His Name is Jesus!

Psalm 40 has been a chapter that I have clung to for years! It has brought me through the pain of watching so many get pregnant as we sat on the sidelines wondering why it couldn't happen for us. But in Psalm 40 I found refuge & strength to carry on. I have also run to Psalm 40 during our adoption journey, especially these past couple of days. So, it seems appropriate to end this post with some verses from Psalm 40. We are clinging to our God, our only Hope! We KNOW that God will bring us a child in His timing and in His way. But that is not where our hope lies. Our hope & our All is Jesus! AND HE IS ENOUGH!

Psalm 40:1-3
I waited patiently for the Lord to help me,
and He turned to me and heard my cry.
He lifted me out of the pit of despair,
and out of the mud and mire.
He set my feet on solid ground
and steadied me as I walked along.
He has given me a new song to sing,
and hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see what He has done and be amazed.
They will put their trust in the Lord.

Surrendering to God!

"Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails." Proverbs 19:21

Last 3 weeks in a nutshell:

* My friend Tabitha has a friend named Stacy who is a sonographer (ultrasound tech.)

* Stacy calls Tabitha to tell her a girl has come in for an ultrasound & may want to give her baby up for adoption. She wants to know if Chad & I would be interested in talking with this girl.

* Baby is a BOY! See verse above :)

* Baby Boy is due May 9th...MOTHERS DAY!!!!!!!

* This would be a private adoption! God has already provided, through many of you, what we would need to pay for this adoption!!!!!!!!

* Chad & I meet with the young couple who may want to give us their child. We fall in love with them!

* Where we are now..."Be still in the presence of the Lord, and wait patiently for Him to act." Psalm 37:7

* Our mercy (compassion) will come, but maybe in a different lil' package than we thought!! We are telling you this story so that you will pray for us & for this couple. We are asking you not to pray that they decide to give us their child. We are asking you to pray that the Lord's will be done & that He gives us the peace & rest to accept whatever His will is! We have faith that this is our child, but we are putting our hope only on the Lord & His perfect plan for our lives! Nothing else! From here on out, we have purposed to surrender completely to Him!

Thank you for taking this journey with us!
"Taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge in Him."
We hope that through this journey you have seen that the Lord is SO good! We are taking refuge in Him and in His perfect will for our lives!

Shopping!

Today was an incredible, beautiful, glorious day! I went shopping for the first time for OUR baby!!!!! I...I...got to shop for OUR baby! As I was in the isle of beautiful baby blankets I looked around at the other women and felt a part of a clique I had always wanted to join but never could. I am a woman who is going to have a baby!!!!!! Yes, I don't have a bulging belly, but I have a bulging heart that's bursting with excitement for the day we get the call that tells us our baby is on her way!
So, my beautiful baby girl, as God is knitting you together in the womb I went shopping for you today. I thought of how pretty you will look in all the pink and purple blankets I got for you. I thought about what it will be like to wrap you in a blanket and hold you in my arms and tell you how much I love you and how I have waited so long for you! Baby girl, I don't know you yet but God does and He is forming you to be fearfully and wonderfully made! HE thought of you today...and so did I! And as He is forming your inward parts to make you whole and beautiful He has been working to repair me. He has been piecing together my broken and wounded heart little by little, day by day! Through the incredible journey of adopting you I am being made whole again, by the healing power of God's mercy and love! Today, my precious Mercy, a whole lot of my heart was healed in the baby isle of Target because God is making you for us and I KNOW you are coming!

AND THE LORD KEEPS DOIN WHAT ONLY HE CAN DO!!!!!

I thought it was time for a Mercy update! This has been an incredible journey so far! Since the day our letter was sent we have received nothing but love and encouragement from our friends and family! THANK YOU!!!! This is such a tremendous time of joy for us and to have all of you come alongside us with your own excitement is nothing less than AWESOME! We are blessed beyond blessed to have all of you by our sides and we are truly grateful!

The first step in our adoption process came when we hired our adoption counselor, Tracie Loux. This woman is incredible and a true gift to us! We are now into step 2, the home study, thanks to the many gifts we received for Mercy as a result of our adoption letter! To all who have given and prayed we say THANK YOU!!!!!! Thank you for giving to us so that we can continue on this journey to becoming parents! Our daughter's face will always remind us that she is ours because of YOU! That is an overwhelming thought and one that brings us to our knees in grateful praise to God for YOU! If you have read our letter, prayed, or given to us we humbly say THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU! We are truly grateful!

Please continue to pray for Mercy and her birthmother. Please pray for their health and safety. I pray Psalm 139 over Mercy often and I would ask that you would, too. Please pray for a smooth home study process and that the Lord will continue to bring us the funds needed each step of the way. He has faithfully and miraculously supplied thus far and we are blown away by His love for us & His call on our lives to adopt!!!!

Once again we say thank you! If we say it a million times it will not be enough!

"I thank my God in all my remembrance of you. Always offering prayer with joy in my every prayer for you all..." Philippians 1:3-4